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I love the word ‘advent’ – God has not left us alone… He is not removed and stoic and distant, though most of us tend to perceive Him as such… no, God has come in the flesh, as a baby born to die and to rise again… a King returning soon that every knee should bow and see Him as He truly is. Jesus Christ is Yahweh.
As the Christmas season began to appear on the horizon in the Venable household, the Holy Spirit began to move upon our hearts and lives — months ago — about the way in which we live, the time in which we are living, and just exactly what Advent and the Christmas season is all about. There is too much to write to explain the journey the Lord has taken us on — and is continuing to move us forward in. But long story short, we have made a commitment to set our hearts on His this Christmas… and to set aside all the lists and the shopping and the peripheral things that usually take up the month of December. We’ve asked our families and friends NOT to buy us gifts and we are doing the same, so that we can give first to the Lord and second toward relationships and third to those that truly ‘need’ this season (and don’t live as though every day is Christmas, so to speak 
) The Lord has already met us in extrordinary ways… hopefully, I will find some time to write more soon…
Yes, we’re still here. I just looked at the blog and realized how long it’s been since I’ve posted anything. The ride of faith, hope and love continues in all its twisting and turning. Since my last posts, I’ve kind of headed back downhill – literally – from the divine hug the Lord gave on May 7th. For about 10 days, I felt better than I have felt in years. It was clearly the Lord, because there is no logical explanation for the dramatic change from bad to good and then back to the same other than it was a token of His compassion. Why did it end? I would not presume to understand. Why did He stretch out His hand only for a time? I do not know. I do not need to know. What I do know is that He is kind. He gives and takes away – blessed be His name. He is so unfathomably good and merciful… and though circumstance may change with the wind, the Holy Three in all their infinite lovingkindness remain. They do not change. Abba… Jesus… Spirit of God, blessed be Your name.
In case you were worried… no, I didn’t take a long walk and end up falling off the planet… I’m still here.
I’ve been in a fog – good and bad.
Bad first… I saw a new doctor that put me on some new medicines for pain control. I did happen to mention to said doctor (who I actually like so far despite what I am about to disclose) that not only do I have a particular disdain for taking medicines, I also seem to be extremely sensitive to every kind of medicine ever made. Kind of ironic that the girl with the rare and incurable joint disease that causes lots and lots of pain cannot take medicines to help with symptoms… sweet, sweet irony. Yep, you know all those side effects listed on the handouts they give you with your prescriptions at pharmacies? Those are listed for people like me.
Anyway cereal box version: I started one medicine and took for two days before I had to stop because of VERY, VERY horrible side effects. Then started the second one, which was helping more than I expected… but when the dosage went up after a week, lo and behold I developed a rather un-fun “syndrome” that is a side effect of that type of medicine for the few, the proud, and the strange like me. I had to discontinue and will try again later at the lower dosage. Crazy.
NOTE: A few of you are probably thinking something like, “Maybe it’s God telling you not to take any medicine.” And I’ve thought of that, believe me, I have. But the problem is that “bed” becomes a home for me without any meds, so I’m trying to find the middle ground. Because friends, that’s just not an option.
Now for the good news!! The Lord has graciously blessed me with what I like to refer to as “heavenly anesthetic” in the mean time. Last Wednesday was May 7th, a rather significant day for me and the Lord related specifically to this little mountain in my life, and my faithful comrades… my people (sorry, I am just so grateful for this community)… my eternal friends at the House of Prayer here gathered around me during one of the prayer meetings and asked the Lord to help. And He answered… He really did. It was really a miracle for me because for 35-40 minutes, I stood (which I cannot do for that long) while they prayed (did I mention how much I LOVE this community?)… in one place (which makes standing for that long even more impossible and painful)… without pain (which I haven’t experienced in YEARS). I don’t know how to explain it… it isn’t possible… it was Jesus. And since then, I have felt better… not perfect… but better than I have in a very, very long time.
It is a reprieve… a breakthrough… a gift from God. And oh, how I needed it. It is manna in the wilderness – more like milk and honey, actually. The Lord has stirred our faith and our hearts through this in ways I cannot begin to write. Though we are still walking through the desert, we are refreshed. Thanks be to Jesus, the lifter of our heads, our portion, our bread of life.
So it’s kind of been a rollercoaster… but an interesting ride… I call it the “journey of faith, hope and love.” With a sign as you enter that says, You must be weak and broken to ride. The good news is Jesus is at the controls and He has proven Himself FAITHFUL and TRUE.
Strengthen the feeble hands,
steady the knees that give way;
say to those with fearful hearts,
”Be strong, do not fear;
your God will come,
he will come with vengeance;
with divine retribution
he will come to save you.”
Then will the eyes of the blind be opened
and the ears of the deaf unstopped.
Then will the lame leap like a deer,
and the mute tongue shout for joy.
Water will gush forth in the wilderness
and streams in the desert. (Isaiah 35)
Been another hard day… back is out again and once again confined to laying flat on my back and contorting my body in varying positions trying to find some sort of relief if only for a moment. Yep, just one of those days. It will pass… I know it will and tomorrow or the next day, things will be a bit better. Just another day on the rollercoaster. But regardless, I’d have to say that one of the very hardest things about days like this is just hearing life go on despite my absence from it, if that makes sense… like hearing Noah’s funny squeels and wanting more than anything to be on the floor exploring new end-table mysteries with him or even hearing him cry and wanting to be the one to scoop him up in my arms and kiss his head and tell him he’s going to be okay. I hate losing those moments. But the Lord still gives me moments, even on a day like this… when Noah pounces on the bed and crawls up to my face and kisses me all over or when he and Daddy bring me a vanilla coke from Sonic and he proudly shows me where and how I need to put the straw in the cup. Even my one year old son is loving me in my weakness… how stunning is that.
But oh how my heart, really my entire frame is groaning. Groaning for eternity (2 Cor 5). And reaching for eternity in time today… for the more than this.
And as I was feeling that in a very poignant way, the Lord faithfully spoke through a very wise soul today as I was catching up on friends’ blogs… Amen Lauren. Amen and thank you, as always, for pointing our hearts to a world more real than this while gratefully basking in His sweet mercies in the here and now.
(PS – you guys should click on Lauren above [it will take you to the post I am talking about] and what she wrote… it is SO rich in truth and it will bless you)
I have wonderful news… last night, I actually slept! For those of you who might not know, because of the pain associated with the bone/joint condition I have, I have not had a good night’s sleep in well, years probably. But it has been especially bad the last several months. We have had much prayer (thanks to the faithful ones standing in the night at the Prayer Room – I heart the Night Watch) and have tried all kinds of things to help… but to no avail. Anyway, last week, I saw a highly recommended new doctor with a very current and multi-disciplinary approach to chronic pain. It’s tricky because I HATE being on medicines… I feel like I’m taking poison every time I put a pill in my mouth. But at this point in the game, I have no choice if I want to be able to just get out of bed and walk to the bathroom. I do, however, have a choice in what kinds and how much… regardless of what the doctors want to do I’m kinda stubborn, in case you didn’t know. So I started on some of the new meds that I was okay with taking yesterday… after a very, very, very sad ending to the BF era with Noah. Sad for me anyway… Noah is a little confused, but fine. And last night, I slept!! I have had breakthrough pain today (means medicine is not totally handling the pain) but I was still able to do more than usual. I actually cleaned out one closet and a few cabinets getting ready for garage sale we are going to have to try to raise money to pay for this new doctor and treatment I did a little too much (I do that sometimes)… but that I did anything like that at all is a good sign.
Please pray for us in the weeks and months ahead. This new journey is still a journey of faith… and it will be difficult especially as he incorporates some of the other treatments and tests. Not to mention expensive. And at the end of the day, try as this doctor may, it is ultimately in the hands of the Lord. There isn’t a cure… only things that might help make daily life more bearable… and thus, it is God alone in whom we are putting our hope and trust. I am so thankful for sleep though… I cannot even begin to tell you. I slept!!!!
Today was a hard day for reasons that I cannot fully disclose in the details of a blog… but oh, how I was leaning into sovereignty and wrapping my heart in a Love stronger than the grave. The Lord was kind enough to just ever so gently remind me at different points during the day of His love… the words flowing through me like gentle kisses to the soul. Oh how sweet the Word is that pierces our soul and reminds us what’s really going on.
We rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. (Romans 5)
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. (2 Cor 4)
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. (Hebrews 1)
So at the end of a long, hard day, I sat with my little Noah in the rocking chair at bedtime. He was pretty wound up before bed, so I was rocking him and singing through our nighttime repertoire (Amazing Grace, How Great is Our God, I Love You Lord, and Jesus Loves You… I think I threw in Over the Rainbow too just to mix it up).
Anyway, he was laying there and my arm was laying across the pillow above his little head, and out of nowhere, he turned his head, grabbed my hand and gave me a tender little kiss. He LOVES to give Mommy kisses, something reserved only for Mommy and sometimes his favorite sitter Stephanie (even Daddy, who is definitely his hero, rarely gets one of these)… but he has never done something like this. And the best part was that he kept doing it over and over again (as if to remind me, “I love you Mommy… don’t forget”)… just every so often, he’d reach up, grab my hand, and give me these very sweet, gentle kisses. I was undone at the kindness and love of my sweet son and of the Lord. My little miracle of grace kissing my hand in time and space and doing the very same thing that the Giver of this gift had done all day by gently kissing my soul with the reality of unfailing love… what can I say? I am so blessed.
Love is kind… love does not fail… my cup overflows.
Picture of Noah at about one month old… his onesie says “Miracle: 1. unexplainable by the laws of nature 2. admiring awe.”
A couple nights ago, I had this dream that really hit me in a powerful way. In the dream, I was gathered with a bunch of friends and acquaintances (many that I did not know well), all married couples. I walked up a long hill in the dark to get to a place where several of the married women were all together. As soon as I entered the room, a few of them came over to me and said, “I’m so sorry for your loss,” indicating that somehow Stephen had died. I was confused and said, “no, he’s still alive,” to which they responded that they had heard that he had fallen from a cliff face while rock climbing and assumed that it was fatal. I then went on in the dream to describe every detail of that day in July 2005 when Stephen fell… from our trip to Dairy Queen and our plans to take a short walk and then swim, to our conversations, to watching him climb around on the cliff, to walking up to meet him at the top and hearing him and my mom yelling as he fell… the time between the yells and me seeing Stephen’s face again and those agonizing moments of not knowing… trying to get him off the mountain with the rescue team… the very long and strange ride in the ambulance… and the long night of waiting while he was in emergency surgery. I literally relived the entire horrific experience in my dream. And after I finished, the women in the dream fell down weeping and in worship of the Lord saying, “The Lord is so good. Look at the miracle of Stephen’s life. See His mercy.” And then I woke up and hugged Stephen about five thousand times.
Since then, every time I look at Stephen I have felt what those women were expressing in the dream I had. A couple months ago, I read an article that said statistically only 50% of people that fall from 25 feet even survive (as in live to tell the story) and at 30 feet, the odds of survival are reduced significantly (supposedly less than 10% live after a fall at 30 feet or more). Apparently, that extra five feet makes quite a difference. Moreover, the injuries that someone surviving a fall 25 feet or more sustains are usually much more significant than Stephen’s. I don’t know how accurate those statistics are, but it freaked me out when I read it. Of course we’ve said many times how amazing it is that Stephen didn’t have more extensive injuries or blood loss (which with the time it took to get to a hospital would have been very bad)… but to be honest, mostly we feel what did happen that day. Day to day, when Stephen is limping around and in so much pain, it’s hard to remember that it is a miracle that he’s even here… a miracle that he can walk at all… and that we were, in fact, witnesses of the miraculous mercy of God that fateful day in July.
Last night, I had a similar dream about Noah. The dream was too “dreamlike” and complicated to write the entire thing out… but basically the dream was about Noah being a miracle. One of the first things said to us when my friend found out I was pregnant was, ”I just keep hearing the Lord say that this is a miracle baby.” And that was actually the first of MANY times those words were said - people say this to us all the time and we kind of don’t know why. Through the dream, the Lord brought to my remembrance the ultrasound where Noah had his hands clasped together like he was praying. The woman doing the ultrasound actually said that “you’ve got yourselves a little man of prayer” or something like that. I was also reminded of the scriptures the Lord gave us over Noah’s life when he was still in the womb… “And you will have joy and gladness, and many will rejoice at his birth. For he will be great in the sight of the Lord,” and “call his name Noah, saying ‘This one will comfort us…’ Noah will be a righteous man, blameless among the people of his time, and he will walk with God and find grace in His sight.” The dream ended with this stunning scene that could only be something from a dream, where Noah was in the womb and the cord was wrapped around his neck three times (which really was the case when he was born) and there was, of all things, a rainbow around him. It was a very cool dream… there’s no way to explain it really. The dream stirred me once again as I look upon Noah to wonder ‘who is this one You’ve created, Lord?’
All of this has left me with such a profound feeling of gratitude and sense of the miraculous nearness of God’s goodness in our lives. All day today, I stared at Stephen and Noah with deep wonder and awe. The words of Psalm 23 soaring in my heart (my translation), “Lord, you are my good Shepherd. Yes, it is true that I walk through the valley of shadows, but You are with me. Why should I be afraid of anything? You even go so far as to prepare a feast for me right there in the presence of my enemies. Oh Lord because of You, my cup overflows. Surely goodness and mercy follow me every day of my life.”
His goodness and mercy have followed me every day of my life. I see it in my little Noah’s eyes and feel it when Stephen reaches out to touch my hand. Their lives bear witness of the love of God in the land of the living. They are my miracles. My cup overflows.
Picture above is Noah exactly one year ago today, just a couple weeks old, in his prayerful pose… oh how true it is that he has brought us joy and gladness and that many have rejoiced at his birth!
