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We had a great Mother’s Day on Sunday. My mom came down and Stephen and Gary made us dinner (filets, Stephen’s specialty garlic potatoes, and salad). It was wonderful. Stephen even got both my mom and me our favorite kinds of cheesecake from the Factory! We are so spoiled… I know.
My grandmother (my dad’s mom) passed away in Albuquerque early this morning. She had been declining in health over the last many years, and had been preceded to our Heavenly Home by both my father and my uncle, so in many ways, I am rejoicing in the freedom she now has with Christ (I Corinthians 15) and for a reunion founded in the merciful forgiveness and love of God.
My grandma was a very strong woman – she had to be – many times to a fault. She was the only other female in the family that had the bone and joint disease that I have. Amazingly, born in 1916, she would have been 92 in May!! I remember in my early twenties, after my first hip replacement at a time when I was thinking about what it would mean for me to have a family and what my life was going to look like, I asked my grandma very vulnerably how she had lived so long with chronic pain and how she managed to have not just one, but SIX children with the disease. And without much pause, she simply looked over at me with all her willful strength and said, “Well, Karli, you just do what you have to do. You just do it.” This was her wise counsel. At the time, I was hoping for more of a heart-filled response or possibly a longer and more detailed explanation as to how you actually “just do it,” but that was what she said and how she lived. Ten years later, I realize that there really was a simple eloquence in that statement. Sometimes when people ask me “how,” I want to look at them with the same eyes that she looked at me with and say, “What else am I going to do? You just do what you have to do.” I usually don’t say it like that. But it is true… only I would say that I ”do what has to be done” only in the strength of the Lord and by the grace of God (2 Corinthians 12:9-10). For when I am weak, then I am strong.
I thought it was funny today when I was talking to my cousin Lisa, she said that last night when she left the hospital she told the nurses to either turn the basketball game on or be sure to tell Grandma the score (funny – see Jayhawk blog below). It’s funny, the last conversation I had with my dad was about the football game that was on that night. Apparently, the Ellis Family has some sort of “love of sports” gene that has been passed sporadically to different family members as well 
Please pray for my family in this time.
I am so missing my dad today. It’s strange how some days it just hits you and knocks the wind out of you. Today, it hit me as I laid down to take a much needed nap in the afternoon… and it felt as though someone was taking a sledgehammer to my heart. Isn’t it strange how things like that actually hurt our hearts in a physical way?? It’s funny I think the days that I don’t feel his absence bother me more than the ones that I do feel it… if that makes sense. Somehow days like this, when I’m really missing Dad, are bittersweet.
My dad memory for the day is when he drove to Corkins to pick up me and Stephen in the summer of 2003. Stephen and I were dating and had gone with my mom’s side of the family to New Mexico. My dad drove up and picked us up at the end of our time there. We drove from there through the Four Corners area and to the North Rim of the Grand Canyon (one of my favorite places on the earth – thanks to my dad). It was a funny drive… my dad’s driving made me (and probably Stephen) nervous and my dad (being the crazy Ellis critical driver that he was… and that I seem to have inherited) didn’t want Stephen to drive… thus, I did most of the driving. It was a proud moment that my dad preferred me to drive over even himself… we are so funny with our driving craziness (my husband is laughing right now). And my dad and Stephen are both introverts… so I (also an introvert) really had to figure out things to talk about. We listened to a lot of music It was kind of nice to be honest – the conversation, when it happened, was sincere. My dad absolutely LOVED Stephen right from the start, confirming what I already knew to be true. Anyway, we stayed in this little dive hotel in the middle of Arizona for night. It was a tiny little room. Stephen was sick… so I made him take one of the beds and my dad was in the other. I was on a cot stuck by the bathroom door. Between that and BOTH my dad and Stephen snoring all night long, I don’t think I slept for more than 20 minutes straight The next morning we headed to the North Rim. I’m so grateful that it was my dad who was with us the first time I got to share the beauty of the North Rim with Stephen. Bret and Bran met us there and Stephen went from there to Utah, while I stayed the rest of the week with my dad. It was to be our final father daughter trip. Anyway, it was a really great trip and time with Dad. I will never forget it. I miss him so much… his little one liner emails, his quirky sense of humor and intelligent wit, his cards to me for almost every holiday (made Valentine’s and Easter hard this year), and our Sunday afternoon chats about everything from life to relationships to whatever football or basketball game or race that was on to weather. I wonder what he’s talking about now… probably just listening :)
After I wrote this, Stephen and I were talking about this trip and laughing. He reminded me how my dad forgot to bring the bag he packed, so all he had were a few little things in a plastic Walgreens bag (of course) and like a case of RC Colas in the trunk (BIG OF COURSE). So funny We also laughed about the driving thing. At some point in the last few months, we were driving down the road and I must have given Stephen some sort of defensive driving advice… and he looked over at me and said, “Fortunately, though you’re dad is not with us anymore, he will always be with me in the car.” Smart alec.
